By Kasira

Or, why polygamy isn't a great idea

Not long ago, my boyfriend and I had a threesome with his ex-girlfriend.

Now, don't get me wrong, I like threesomes just as much as the next adventurous bisexual woman, but this wasn't a good idea. She still had feelings for him, I still kind of hated her, it was bad all around. (Except for the sex.) But it got me thinking about polygamy. What possesses people to do it?

On the surface, it seems like a good enough idea. If I had two husbands, I could have one doing dishes while the other one helps me with the kids. There'd be an extra income. And I'd get twice the sex!

But then again, it's twice the “Honey, you're being a bitch,” when I'm PMSing. Twice the “Honey, can you get [...] for me?” Twice the “Just one more level, and I'll stop playing and come to bed.” (I get up at 7:00 AM, and he's still playing!!!)

And what of them? I know my boyfriend wouldn't want to share me with another man. I seriously doubt I could ever find two men who wouldn't be trying to oust the other from the relationship. It would be a constant tension, not at all something I want to be around. Not to mention, the fist fights and possible murder.

Okay, polyandry, scratch that. How about polygyny?

Now, I'm not a guy, but I can pretend to think like one, so here goes. Threesomes when you want them. The women can help each other with the kids. When one's menstruating, you can have sex with the other.

I almost think this would be worse than polyandry. Yeah, a couple of guys fighting over a woman could try to kill each other, but a couple of women will drive a guy insane. They'd either talk shit about each other to him, or decide, “We can do better than this,” and both leave him.

And the sex! For some reason (which I've no idea why, but I've seen it in action), women who live with each other or are around each other a lot, their periods will synchronize, either same week or two weeks next to each other. The rest of the month, depending on the women, they could have a conspiracy of celibacy, or be trying to outdo one another for the man's attention. Okay, so that part wouldn't be so bad.

I know what you're thinking now, you're asking, “What's the third?” A mix between the two genders. I think this is one of the dumbest ideas ever. It's the kind of “let's love everyone” hippie commune kind of thing that breaks down after two months with everyone hating each other.

I knew a (small) group of people who tried it. Two girls, two guys. Both girls wanted the one guy, who wanted both girls. The girls felt bad for the other guy, who was head over heels for one of the girls. They all broke up, one of the girls went out with one of the guys, dumped him a week later, and hooked up with my ex-girlfriend. (Ahh, multi-sexual politics is a wonderful and confusing thing.)

All in all, I'd say, do whatever (and whoever) the hell you want. But polygamy isn't the greatest idea.