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Confessions of a Middle Aged English Hashish Eater
What do I think about becoming a grumpy old man? It's better than the alternative.
I used to concern myself about growing old and selling out my past beliefs, about not being true to myself. But now I look back and consider that attitude to be rather absurd. When I was 16 I thought there should be no age of consent. That was because I had a better chance of impressing 15 year old girls than 16 year olds. I suppose that some of those 15 year girls I was interested in back then will be grandmothers now. In what possible way would having a different attitude now to the one I had then be selling out? It is an absurd idea. It is absolutely right that my beliefs and attitudes should be allowed to change in the light of my experience. Not to change my belief stance in the light of experience would be positively obscene, that would be the real sell-out, to give up my own integrity simply to avoid the embarrassment of appearing to change my mind.
If you can't change your mind why have one at all?
Not to have changed my mind since I was 16 would be to sell out all the people I have been in between.
Changing attitudes, beliefs and opinions is normal and natural. It isn't something to be afraid or ashamed of.
When you are young and have no income except a parental allowance your theories of economics and morality are hardly likely to be very sound or generally applicable to a whole economy. There is no shame to be had in growing up and getting real. Is there anything better than direct experience to learn from? Well, actually yes, there is, the combination of direct personal experience, theory, scientific investigation and the accounts of the lives of other people. Learning exclusively from any one source is a bad idea. There is little true wisdom to be gained by following the lead of a single hero, alive, dead or undead. Even if you are that hero.
The idea that we were pure and innocent idealists when we were teenagers and we have shamefully become bitter and twisted ugly-minded mercenaries now is quite absurd. If a theory does not work in practice it is the theory that is wrong, not reality. If we now think the dreams of our youth were silly that does not mean we lack the courage we had back then, now we can see the pitfalls that we didn't notice before.
Right. So I've got that clear in head now. It is alright to have different ideas in the light of experience. The only problem I have is that I haven't changed many opinions and ideas. Not really fundamental ones. Not by much. OK, now I have a massively improved depth of understanding behind my atheism, when I was 18 I simply trusted that evolution provided the answers. I didn't understand what evolution was, and I didn't know that my ignorance on the matter was significant. At 18 I joined the brand new Social Democratic Party. That party later merged with the Liberal Party to form the Liberal Democrats. Today I vote Liberal Democrat and I call myself a liberal, although of my own particular type. I now have the courage to change my mind, I await the reasons and the evidence. |
Me at 18 |