Glossary

A list of words you might not be familiar with and my suggestions as to their meaning, or at least the meanings that I assume when I use them.

Some are recently termed words some are dialect words.

Arse, arsehole

Arse is the Anglo Saxon word for the backside, rump and anal area. This used to be the common word for the bottom of anything. My grandfather talked about putting things down on their arse end without any idea of blushing. I have heard that the bluebottle was originally the blue arsed fly, which became the blue bottomed fly and later the bluebottle. It seems too good a story not to pass on.

For some mysterious reason arse was translated to ass when it travelled to America. Otherwise the words are identical in meaning. This has nothing to do with the differing pronunciation of short and long vowel sounds in Northern and Southern England, the American dialect broke away from the mainstream of English before this vowel shift occurred.

Americans sit their ass on the grass, the words rhyme. Short A both times.

A cockney sits his arse on the grass, it also rhymes. Long A (ar) both times. In the South of England grass rhymes with farce and bath rhymes with hearth, weird bunch.

I sit my arse on the grass, it doesn't rhyme. Long A, short A.

Arsehole is also an annoying person.

Bollocks

British, especially English, slang for testicles. Commonly used as a cry of derision and expression of disbelief.

Bugger

Verb and Noun.

Verb: (1) to have anal intercourse with (2) to wreck or destroy, especially through incompetence. (3) To have other forms of unnatural intercourse, e.g. with animals.

Noun: (1) One who buggers. (2) Irritating person

Bullshit

Bovine excrement. Similar use to Bollocks. A term I was first introduced to by my Uncle Barrie and I took to with great glee. I think that the b sound at the front of these word helps you express your disbelief with great vigour, as if you have struggled to contain it and it explodes with the satisfying pop of an exploding pimple.

Exotheology

Termed after exobiology, the "study" of the biology of extra-terrestrial lifeforms. Exotheology is the "study" of the beliefs of extra-terrestrial lifeforms.

I believed that I invented the word, but it seems that it had been coined earlier, with identical meaning, as can be revealed by searching the web.

Fundie

Fundamentalist Christian.

Gobshite

One who spouts bullshit. One whose gob (mouth) is full of shite (excrement). I am not sure if this is originally a dialect word from a Northern English, Southern English or Irish dialect of English but it has such resonance that it has spread rapidly in recent years.

Meme

Idea that is passed on. Idea that is imitated or otherwise copied and so ensures it's own replication. Coined by Richard Dawkins in The Selfish Gene.

Memeplex

A complex of memes that work together well and so operate together more effectively than any of them can operate apart, to ensure their continued survival and replication. A shortening of the phrase co-adapted meme complex.

Memeoid

A person who is dominated by the desire to spread memes to the extent that it is the single biggest function of their life. e.g. priests, Jehovah's Witnesses, martyrs, terrorists and members of the Campaign for Real Ale.

Newt

See Pissed.

Pissed

In English being pissed means being drunk. Being pissed off has a distinct separate meaning, anger and frustration, often sullen frustration. In America the first usage is not used so Americans will say “I'm pissed” meaning “I'm angry”, an English man gets pissed when he drinks and pissed off when he is angry.

Pissed as a newt and pissed as a fart; expressions of extreme drunkeness. The ending “as a newt” can be added to other expressions to express the concept of drunkness e.g. “Did you see Caroline Aherne receive her award last night, she looked, er, relaxed... as a newt.”

Selfplex

The co-adapted meme complex or memeplex of the self. The illusion of the self. Coined by Susan Blackmore, featured in The Meme Machine. The oldest and most highly guarded set of memes we possess.

Sheep Shaggers

Literally men who have carnal knowledge of sheep. Figuratively used of rural people in bleak windswept areas especially the Welsh and Falkland Islanders.

Spam

Spam is a tinned meat product containing pork and ham, but spam with a small s is junk email. True spam is unwanted email that is sent unbidden. A number of different concepts have been called spam at different times by different people. Spam has been the label given to untargetted posting on newsgroups. This has also been known as trolling. There are sad obsesives who can formulate precise definitions of such concepts but these are not people one would like to share a room with.

Junk email is virtually impossible to avoid receiving but it does not actually cause much in the way of organic damage to most Homo sapiens and so the rabid way in which some people react to it is not rational. You would have to have a 300 baud modem connected to a a ridiculously expensive pay-per-minute internet connection to have a major reason to worry about unwanted email.

I treat it like roughage in the diet, the regular throughput of spam is visual proof that my email account is working.

Posting on newsgroups causes a minor increase in spam levels, the only way to cause yourself severe spam problems is to post on FFA (Free For All listings) sites, the production of spam is the only thing such sites achieve.

Tosser

Person who masturbates, alternative version of wanker (q.v.) for some reason it makes a better plural than wanker. The harsh t sound lends itself to usage when an audible release is required. In contrast wanker is more useful to mutter under the breath e.g. when bidding farewell to officious police officer who stops your car on suspicion that you have been drinking just because it is late at night.

Troll

Trolling is the process of posting on newsgroups in order to provoke a particular reaction. This is seen by some bed-wetters as a great sin. Personally I see modest and restrained trolling as healthy for everybody concerned, newsgroups can get very stuffy and incestuous, an alternative viewpoint should be welcome. Trolling only becomes a nuisance if it monopolizes a group or is crude or abusive. I can't help thinking that Oscar Wilde would have been a troller if he had the technology, and what about Saint Paul? Almost certainly.

Wanker

Person who masturbates (who doesn't?). An annoying person. Term of disdain.

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