How do you bring up children to be atheists? How do you bring up children to be free to be atheist? How do you inoculate children against irrational beliefs?
These are all questions that I have to deal with as I have two children and a Christian wife. I haven't. Do you have any suggestions?
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I am working on the assumption that starting with a good basis in science and wonder will help. Religious people so often use the beauty of nature as if it was a testament to why their version of the Universe is better than ours. I have to strongly disagree. Biology is a wonderful subject, and it should be taught with wonder as the key ingredient. Biology gives a child the key to the kingdom. Biology can help a child understand why animals exist. They can absorb the basic ideas of the imperative to reproduce, the first step to understanding evolution. Teach your child why there are flowers, why the plant gives away food. The birds and the bees. Once a child understands that everything an animal or a plant does is for a reason, and not our reason, they know their place in the Universe. Not at the right hand of the creator god at the top table, but as the child of a successful series of successful men and women who survived against the odds. Everything around them that is alive is also there because it has survived, because it had what it takes. Help your children to ask good questions. Many questions that seem deep and meaningful are not, the answers to them provide no great insights. Why is the sky blue? The answer is so boring I keep forgetting. What is the meaning of life? There isn't one, sorry, dumb question. Why are precious stones precious? EXCELLENT question, well worth looking at. Rarity is a factor but diamonds are not really rare, most western women own several. Something only becomes valuable if it is desired, diamonds and other precious stones are desired by all races and cultures in all periods in history. Why? Now that is a good question. Why has the giraffe got a long neck daddy? So it can reach the ground to drink. A better question is why it has such long legs... A good question is the secret to a good education. Don't waste your time with answers that are not worth finding. Comparative religion is a good idea for a child. Let your child know that there are six different religions held by the parents of the children at your school. It is then obvious that they cannot all be right. It then opens up the possibility that maybe none of them are right. You don't even need to suggest that to them, they will think it for themselves. If you have any ideas to contribute I am waiting to hear them.
Actually my wife wants my children raised as Christians. We have an uneasy truce. I have not spoken to either of my children about belief in God, I am trying to simply give them the basic analytical tools to help them see through it. I hope this will be enough. If they ask me about my beliefs I will tell them. But I would prefer to keep silent until they are old enough to understand for themselves fully. There is no point talking to children about not believing in God when they still believe in the tooth fairy.
First I must say that I have never encouraged my children to believe in any form of bullshit. The tooth fairy and Father Christmas (that's Santa Claus without an American accent) are difficult to avoid. My wife talks about them, I don't. She won't let me tell the children that they are made up. That would "spoil things for them". I just keep quiet. I expect that my son will follow my ideas when the time comes for him to chose. He seems to enjoy finding out the reasons behind things, he has a natural curiosity and a willingness to accept and understand scientific explanations, even when these are difficult to grasp. I am not so sure about my daughter, she is bright but seems to be interested in religion and she seems to be open to its influence. At the moment I am not telling them anything about my beliefs. Perhaps they will ask me one day, maybe they will never ask, just come to understand. Do children lose their belief in fairies and the rest in one go or does it just fade away? Perhaps they will just fade into knowing that their parents have differences about God. Time will tell. As for advice about how to cope with the situation of marriage to a believer I am on difficult ground. I suppose that the most honest thing for me to do is to tell you what I really think. You need to get it out into the open before it is too late. You need to come up with a formal agreement about what you are going to do. You need to know about church attendance and plans to educate children, I assume you have already discussed the matter of children? If not that really needs to be sorted out, you have to know that your plans are compatible. If you cannot get a mutually acceptable agreement on this fundamental issue you should not marry. Marriage is a working relationship. You have to get the fundamentals sorted out. If there is no room for Jesus in your partnership it is much better to break things off. Religion nowadays probably breaks up more marriages than it holds together. So, tackle this issue, get an agreement if you can and get it witnessed in some way. Tell your parents, as a couple, or tell whoever is going to marry the pair of you or at the very least tell somebody you can both trust what you have agreed. Agreeing to differ is a realistic option, but avoiding the issue is not a sensible strategy. Problems will only arise if you fail to prepare. You might differ on church attendance and time spent in religious activity or observance. Get it agreed upfront how much is acceptable to you. I don't have a problem with this as my wife goes to church only rarely, but it would be a problem if it became necessary for her to go every Sunday, it might affect my career options for example. Many careers need the option of being able to work on Sunday, even if only infrequently. Naturally money could be a problem, having an invisible pixie in the sky is one thing, paying a tithe is something else, that too needs to be talked about. Then there is the problem of friends. When you marry things change, you become a unit, your friends become couples too. Make sure you are not going to be expected to be half of a Christian couple. Being a lone voice of sanity in a couple is one thing, in a sea of holy couples is another. Well that is my advice for what it is worth. It is my 11th wedding anniversary on Saturday, so far so good. We did talk it through a bit before we were married, but I think we would have benefited from doing so more.
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