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The past week or two has been taken
up with the news that my brother has chosen to convert to Roman Catholicism.
I am from a family of ethnic Jews (kinda takes the edge off my earlier
statement that "I refused to get married in a church" doesn't it),
that were raised with a minimum of religious influence. We did follow
some traditions--my brother and I were both Bar Mitzvahed--but a significant
childhood memory was when we had bacon for
breakfast on Yom Kippur, the day of fasting.
All four siblings married gentiles.
My brother broke the news this
way:
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...By the way, I wish you guys were local
so I could call and talk to you in person about my recent decision
to join the Church.
It was something I decided to do on my own
and I'm very happy about it. Believe it or not, after two months
of studying as a Catachumen, I'm going to be baptized on Saturday,
Dec. 23. I still plan to continue my Jewish observances (fasting
for Yom Kippur, leading Passover seder, Hannukah, etc.) but I wanted
to expand my religious/spiritual experience beyond just passively
listening in when I took my family to Church (been doing that regularly
for over 10 years now). Patti's older brother Tim and my friend
Maria have agreed to be my two sponsors.
Keep in touch and I'd be happy to "chat"
about this further if you'd like.
Love, Frank
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My response:
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Yeah, I'd like to chat about your recent
decision.
Are you doing it because it confirms your
beliefs or because you feel you will fit in better with Patti and
the kids (or something else)? My beliefs are best described as Rationalist.
I demand a rational explanation for everything. I have yet to hear
a convincing rational explanation for any religion. Faith is not
rational. Faith is a gimmick used by certain ideas to help convince
believers of their truth without allowing them to question the belief.
This improves the chances that the particular belief will survive
and spread.
The best argument I can come up with for
religion is that the "better" ones remind us of the rules that will
best improve the quality of life. Religions did not invent these
rules. Popular religions survive because they incorporate the rules
into their belief system. Also, it is a relatively recent mutation
of popular religions to stress these rules. This mutation was necessary
to keep the more rational followers in the fold. Over much of history
they stressed more negative ideas (such as "distrust anyone who
believes something different").
In any event, I wish you the best, and hope
your decision will improve the quality of your life. Improving the
quality of your life IS a rational activity. Activities that improve
the quality of your life AND the overall quality of others (over
the long term) are even more rational.
Sorry if this was not the big boost of encouragement
you were hoping for, but you wanted to chat....
Happy Winter Solstice (In primitive societies
it was somewhat rational to celebrate the darkest time of year with
candles and lights--since you needed them anyway. It was also somewhat
rational to gorge yourself with rich foods--nuts and meats were
pretty much the only foods available--because hoarding them for
use this time of year will increase your chances of surviving the
leanest part of the year. Since these needs are now met by civilized
society, nowadays it is popular as a time put aside to share our
good fortune with others.)
Mark
PS. - Rebuttals welcome. This is my favorite
subject to argue about.
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Meanwhile, mom and dad some views of their own:
From Dad to Frank:
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Read Marks letter. I agree with his thoughts.
He has my basic philosophy or I his. I have a few questions as to
how far you intend to go. Will you now wear a cross around your
neck? Will you say catholic when asked for your religion? And will
you be buried with a cross over your head? Needless to say I am
somewhat disappointed in your decision to go this far. Going to
church was more than adequate. I dont think you would have had any
problem with your kids. They will always love you no matter what,
just like I will always love you and your siblings no matter what.
By being baptized you are renouncing your Jewish heritage, even
though you may pay homage to our holidays. I am somewhat hurt and
feel that I failed in not being Jewish enough for you. There are
more things that I would like to say but cant think of them now.
I am still looking forward to seeing you all Friday and will still
make pancakes!!! You will always be my little Jewish boitchick.
Baptism cant change that!! I still remember you making the star
of David when the boys were christened! Being Jewish is something
I have always been proud of even if I dont follow it all the way
like Jerry, whom I consider a bigot, albeit my best friend. This
is a tough world we live in, with a lot of problems. I just think
you went to far and this will not solve any of the problems you
think it will. I dont think you can back out now that you have made
all these commitments. In my heart you will always be Jewish!
Love always
your Jewish father!!!
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and later, mom (to me):
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mark, this is me, Mom talking. since I am
coming out as being a nonbeliever the catholic church does not look
with fondness on me, in fact if this were long ago i would be burned
at the stake. even today, how about the mysterious disappearance
of the famed atheist, O'Hare Aunt Ruth and Uncle Harold being religious
feel that frank's being baptized is like a death. I disagree with
them but feel that frank does not realize the precepts of the catholic
church such as your are damned to hell if you are homosexual, invitro
fertilizations or masturbation. Frank really feels that he will
be accepted socially in their community if he becomes involved and
wants to be closer to Patti and the kids by joining in their religion.
I feel that Tim who teaches religion feels that this is a good thing.
when frank sent him a copy of your letter, he wrote back that you
are ill-informed this does not seem to be open minded. Frank has
his date set up for his baptism for this Saturday, Pattis family
will attend so I guess I am too late to prevent this from taking
place I am remiss for not being closer to frank for then I would
have known earlier what he was planning. Ruth got the phone numbers
of rabbis in your town. They were not home. I dont want this to
become a battle between religions.
Love Mom
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and my response to her:
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Mom,
It's only a battle between religions if you
make it one. Since, because of rationalists, we are past (at least
for the time being and in our part of the world) the age of burning
at the stake, I view it as a good topic for argument and discussion.
For instance, I am interested in any facts that Tim could share
with me that would cure the illness of my lack of information.
Atheists and Jews are no angels either. Many
religious people were victims of genocide at the hands of atheists
(some of them no doubt them former Jews) in the Soviet Union. Ask
a Palestinian how he feels about being repressed in the Jewish state
of Israel.
Let me try to follow your reasoning concerning
Aunt Ruth.
Ruth's attitude is that Frank's baptism
is like a death. You are trying to keep Frank as a Jew so that (in
theory) he can also pass on the attitude that baptisms are like
a death.
Frank as a Catholic will (in theory) have
the attitude that anyone not baptized is a death.
Both attitudes are just as bad as the other
and are the main reason I am skeptical of any religion. Remember
what I said to Frank: "Over much of history [religions] stressed
more negative ideas (such as "distrust anyone who believes something
different")."
The way I see it, since we all face eternal
death, what is important is how we spend our life. If Frank's choice
makes him happier and does no harm to others, then it's a good thing.
What is left to argue is whether Ruth's unhappiness due to Frank's
"death" constitutes "harm". I would argue no. Ruth is choosing to
be unhappy because of the attitudes her religion and upbringing
gave her (distrust anyone who believes something different). Ruth
may feel that her distrust is justified by a history of persecution.
The Jews, however, are not the only people who have ever been persecuted.
Ruth is just more aware of the particular problems of the Jews--again
by her upbringing and the stress the Jewish culture puts on its
own persecution. Every "people" has its stories of persecution.
(American Indians, Australian aborigines, Christians to lions, Palestinians,
Buddhists of China, Tutsis of Burundi, Albanians of Kosovo, etc,
etc, etc.) I can look at the same data and proclaim the Jews as
the least persecuted people in history. They have survived for over
five thousand years and are currently thriving! In the same time,
countless, COUNTLESS others have been obliterated and/or assimilated
into other peoples. Apparently, stressing one's own persecution
is a good survival technique.
One thing I have come to realize since moving
to Lithuania is that a civilized society is based on trust. The
sooner we change our attitudes from distrust to trust, the better
off the individuals that make up the society will be.
This may have sounded anti-Semitic. Actually,
I am anti-ethnic. Ethnicity is a phenomenon that I hope is on its
way out. It is just another reason (along with religion) to encourage
distrust. It has its benefits, such as a source of diversity in
diets and fashions and lifestyles, but these benefits come at a
price.
More and more people are becoming aware of
others' lifestyles as a result of the recent technologies that have
given us global communication. It is my hope that with this technology,
more will realize that we are all pretty much the same. The diets,
fashions and lifestyles that survive global scrutiny will do so
because of their own inherent qualities. Diversity will survive,
but on a global scale.
Rational thinking encourages the objective
search for truth. It has made possible the technology mentioned
above and many improvements in the quality of life. I am optimistic
that it will solve the current problems of over-population and the
resulting pollution before these problems overtake us and cause
the breakdown of civilization.
Mark
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Frank's response (again cordial)
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Thanks for being a honest, wise and decent
Big Brother. And now, you're even showing me up with your superior
writing skills!
Love ya,
Frank
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