Atheist Names

Has the time come to give ourselves distinctively atheist names?

Does your name tell the whole world what religion your parents intended you to embrace? If you are called Bridgett Concepta Immaculata Mary then there is a good chance that it does.

Jesus Mary and Joseph! And if your parents are so messed up that they gave their son the middle name Maria you just know that there had to be something really powerful behind that.

There are a lot of Christian names that are clearly Christian names, some more so than others. If you are called Matthew, Mark, Luke or John then the inspiration is fairly obvious. Other names became Christian names when their owners became Christian saints, names such as David, Patrick, Nicholas and Martin. Paul and Christopher are new names that had no non-Christian antecedents. Other invented Christian names include the names of virtues and other important concepts such as Chastity, Patience, Faith, Concepta, Virginia, Endeavour, Ernest. Some of those names not only tell you what religion the person was expected to follow they also show which sect. Can you imagine a Protestant called Concepta or an Ernest Catholic?

The exploits of Good King Billy have ensured that William is a much more common name in those parts of Belfast with red, white and blue kerbstones than those which are green, white and gold (which is sectarian revisionist-liar-speak for orange, surname of the aforementioned Protestant enforcer).

Muslims of course are just as fanatical and easily picked out by their names. Jews almost always pick Jewish names and Sikhs all seem to Singh the same song.

Is your name obviously jarring with your beliefs? If you were named Christopher and you are not Christian you can call yourself Kris, same goes if you were saddled with Krishna. The saintly Michael becomes a lot more secular as Mike. There might have been a saint David and a Saint Andrew but who ever heard of Saints Dave and Andy? If you were called Mohammed you can just answer to Mo.

Do you want to go further? How about reviving some Old English names? You can go back to the pre-Christian era and choose Hengist or Horsa. Or just revive some of those names which have fallen out of fashion. You know the ones I mean, those you now only found buried in surnames with son on the end. Wilkin, Atkin, Hodgkin, Anders, Wat or Hud.

Then there is the Womble strategy, pick your name from an atlas, although be aware that if you call yourself after a city in the Mid West you are likely to taken to be a wannabe pool hustler. And of course if you picked out St Louis, Mecca, Carmel, Lourdes, Christchurch or Ganges you wouldn't be much better off. Of course you have to be careful with place names with particular surnames because they may have undesired associations. Think about the perils of being called Teresa and praying that the good looking man giving you the eye isn't called Mr Green or Mr Rexic's nightmare that Miss Right's first name is Anna. But she's so busy trying to shake off Mr Gram, Mr Log and Mr Bolic-Steriods she doesn't notice herself falling for Mr Phylactic-Shock.

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Why is Religion Special?
No disrespect
Empires of the Future
Resisting Pest Control
Theocracy? No thanks.
Sacrifice
The Logic of Christians
Death to Monarchies
Why I am an Atheist
Religion's Dirtiest Tricks
Star Wars, Misunderstood
Religious indoctrination is child abuse

 

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