In your Mind section
under the heading "Advice for the
Young" and subheadings "Age, experience, corruption. Ignorance,
innocence, naivety" and "Casual Sex" you stated that virginity
is of no massive value. Your support being the evidence that the
majority of people have a life partner and, in turn, have regular
sex with that partner. Thus, the conclusion from your argument
is that virginity is not important because we are all destined
to have sex anyway. As a female, I believe that virginity is a
very important part of one's life. To me it defines a person.
Having sex isn't just about sex. It is about making a conscious
decision to chose to take the action necessary to bring life into
the world, to raise it and to teach it. That same feeling should
hold for men as well. They, after all, are part of this life bringing
process. Also, it is deciding whether or not one wants to be susceptible
to so many sexually transmitted diseases, some of which can be
deadly. Therefore, virginity is a choice. It is choosing to not
reproduce which is a hard decision to make for any young person
with the pressures he/she will face in today's world. It is also
a decision to stay healthy and makes one positive that they will
not die from some horrible disease. Please comment on this. |
You seem to value virginity highly and at
the same time be unaware of the existence of condoms. Also you
describe yourself as female, and not as a woman. Just a stab in
the dark, are you a Catholic?
I would appreciate your answer to this before I take this
any further. You know a lot about where I am coming from already,
I would like to know a bit more about you.
Martin Willett
http://mwillett.org/ |
Of course I know about
the existence of condoms. But, any method of birth control is
not going to be fool proof. Becoming sexually active is still
a decision, whether or not young people are aware of it, to
reproduce. As for describing myself as a female, I was simply
showing that to any 'female' virginity should be important.
After all, we are the ones who must ovulate every month, then
we must carry the child for nine months once we do get pregnant,
and bring that child into the world when the time comes. After
that, we must breast feed that child. To me, losing ones virginity
should be a hard decision for any female, girl, woman, whatever
you want to call us, to make. And, for your information, I do
not affiliate myself with any religion. If I did, I would be
saying that a woman's only purpose on this earth is to reproduce
and I cannot, will not, believe that. This is why I regard virginity
so highly. Choosing to remain a virgin is choosing another purpose
for one's life other than reproduction. That, also, is a hard
decision to make. |
If you are aware of condoms, which protect (admittedly only partially)
against both disease and unwanted pregnancy then the question that comes
to the surface in my brain is this. Are you choosing to remain a virgin
or are you choosing not to have sex? There is a distinction. Also I have
to be a little brutal here, are you actually choosing not to have sex
or are you in fact making a virtue out of necessity?
Does belonging to a religion make you say that a woman's only purpose
in life is reproduction? I find that difficult to accept.
I don't accept the notion that deciding to become sexually active is
deciding to reproduce. Not in an era of contraceptive choice, emergency
contraception and availability of abortion. It would only be such a decision
if the woman was adamant that she would never terminate a pregnancy, in
that circumstance it is a choice of the nature you state. Contraceptives
can fail, sometimes even without conscious or unconscious help from their
users.
I still think you have the advantage of me here. I do not know where
you come from, what you believe or how old you are. It is rather difficult
to debate in such a vacuum. Are you an attractive 16 year old cheerleader-type
fingering a silver ring or a bitter fifty something with a moustache to
rival Magnum? :-)
Martin Willett
http://mwillett.org/
I would say that I am
choosing to remain a virgin. My choice is neither out of necessity
nor is it out of bitterness. It is just a choice. Instead of succumbing
to my 'primitive instincts' I will live life like a higher level
thinking being should...by thinking before I act. I still believe
that becoming sexually active is deciding to reproduce for two
main reasons. As anyone should know, about 87% of the world follows
some kind of religion with the major religious groups not believing
in the use of contraceptives. Therefore, members of those religious
groups will inevitably produce offspring when they become sexually
active. You also stated that this is an "era of contraceptive
choice" but there are many countries in this world who do not
have the money or resources to make such a choice. So what happens
to them? The answer...they have kids! I would also like to point
out that sex is the only means by which to reproduce (unless you
count artificial insemination which is a different issue altogether).
It is common in every species on the planet, but there is a difference
between us and them. We have the ability to choose. In the animal
kingdom, it is just an instinct that comes and goes with the seasons,
but in the world of human beings, IT IS A CHOICE. Of course there
are other decisions that are made along with that choice. Should
you use birth control, what kind, how often. Those decisions are
about how to stop reproduction so, in the end, it is all about
REPRODUCTION. |
I don't think it is about reproduction unless you choose to think that
way. I am pretty certain that animals do not start their mating rituals
because they plan on reproducing. I would be very surprised if any non-human
animals have ever worked out the facts of life. They respond to urges
with particular behaviour patterns.
We are also animals and our behaviour does not depend on us understanding
what we are doing. We compete for status and seek out attractive people
to be with who would enhance the fitness of our genes but at no time does
all that have to click into place and register with us on a conscious
level. We respond to love, flattery and lust. We don't think to ourselves
that we have been programmed into action by the patterns our brains have
developed subject to the surges of chemical stimulation caused by our
endocrine systems. We pair off because we want to, our biology is who
we are, there is no place for a higher self to live. You are your body,
you cannot exist anywhere else, you cannot have any desires which are
above your biology.
Remaining a virgin is a reasonable strategy for a happy life as long
as you do not miss out on the chances to have a sexual relationship and
children if that is in your plan. Women differ a lot from each other.
Many women do not require a lot of sex, that is a fact of life. Some women
of course are extremely sexual and would find living as a virgin an intolerable
imposition on their personality. If you are content to remain a virgin
then I respect your choice. I would strongly object to anybody promoting
virginity as the only valid option or even the preferred path. My own
hunch is that if women were allowed a real free choice over the matter
without any pressure from family, church or peer group then about a third
of women would be happier to pursue the virgin-until-betrothed path than
the current situation in which many feel pressured into losing their virginity
just to say they have done so.
Fidelity can be very important to a woman. While some of the women who
would feel happier saving themselves for a life-long partner will be less
sexually active and have a lower sex drive than average I am also fairly
confident that many will be able to be the ideal woman, the virgin bride
who turns into a warm and responsive wife with a healthy, but monogamous,
sex drive. But there are many women, probably more than half, who find
the current idea of having several sexual partners when they are young
and then later settling for a longer term partnership to be the best way
in which to express their desires and to live their lives.
Virginity is a reasonable and respectable choice, but it is an unreasonable
demand.
Martin Willett
http://mwillett.org/
Well said, Mr. Willett.
To demand virginity on a species who is accustomed to casual intercourse
is certainly unreasonable. My only wish is that individuals would
take the time to think about what they are doing before the jump
into a situation head first. Thank you for the discussion; it
was quite enjoyable. Perhaps we can discuss another topic some
other time.
Sincerely, Michelle |
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